It is becoming apparent that welcoming your second child is so much different than welcoming your first. This, at least, is the case for me. Being the second child myself, I had thought I would have a special place in my heart immediately for my son, but he's competing with a two year old precious moments machine. My daughter, even when being difficult, has a charm about her that endears her to me more and more each day. For so long, my son has been kind of a lump. This is no different than my daughter was at his age, but when she first arrived, the magic of a fresh baby in the home was overwhelming for me. Truly every sound and movement was something worth paying attention to. For my son, we've already seen the newborn show, so it's not the same. Additionally, whenever I find a moment to truly focus on him, whether intentionally or not, my daughter finds a way to draw my attention back to her.
I say all this to express a feeling that is hard to describe. It is taking time for this tiny human to truly grab my heart. However, I sense that he is making headway- his almost permanent wide-eyed expression, the gurgling noises he makes, the little comb over hair style, and his increasingly precious response to my voice is doing the trick. I believe if we all try to hide complicated experiences like this, we truly start to believe we are one of the few people to feel a certain way. If we would all find safe ways to express complex feelings- like taking a few months to truly be captivated by your new son- then maybe less people would walk around feeling like they're off center from the norm. It's nothing new to comment on the effect of social media, so I won't spend much time rehashing arguments that others have made, but now, more than ever, we are able to put our best sides on display. I am sensing that more and more people are getting tired of seeing our façades, so maybe the new trend can be to show the true parts of ourselves in addition to the best parts.
This guy is truly working his way into my heart, and I can see how he will uniquely occupy a space there that my daughter won't be able to get close to.- J
