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Recently a friend of ours texted to see if we were available for a session on short notice. Her mother-in-law had decided she wanted family pictures the next day before one of her children moved overseas with her husband the following week. We were available, our go-to park was a convenient location, and we made it happen. This is why we got into portrait photography- capturing the moments that matter most for families and couples.- J
We lived in the DC area for three and half years, and I thought it was pretty incredible. I've never had a serious attachment to my family, so living a thousand miles away didn't bother me too much. Honestly, I saw my family about as much in DC as I did when I lived in Texas- mostly for major holidays. This was fine with me. This was not fine for Kristen. My parents are in their 50s with, presumably a lot of life left (although my father's penchant for high risk activities, high blood pressure, or close circle of questionable friends might cut his life a bit short). Kristen's parents are just shy of 80. When we moved she immediately felt the weight of missing out on their life, imagining us wasting precious years with them a thousand miles away. The feelings came to a boiling point when we had our first child in DC, causing a sense of urgency to get back home as soon as possible. One of Kristen's fears she expressed early on to me before we were married was that her parents would die before they met her children. I can't say I relate, but I can't judge a person for such a selfless thought- she cared deeply that our children and her father had as much time together as possible, so here we are back in Texas, eating breakfast tacos and Whataburger, and seeing family at least twice a month.
I say all this to articulate a change in me that has occurred since having children- before kids, I could truly get by with seeing my family a couple of times a year. It's not that I didn't like them or enjoy spending time with them, I just left home at 18 and didn't really feel the need to look back. In college I made some of the greatest friends I could have ever asked for, connected with an incredible mentor, and found meaningful work in ministering to students. The need for familial relationships was met elsewhere.
Adding these two humans to my life has changed things- not drastically and suddenly- but I'm beginning to see how valuable it is for my kids to be around family as much as possible. Having moved several times, I now understand that friendships, although strong, rarely last in a powerful way beyond the location where you shared life. With family, you will always end up together at holidays, weddings, and funerals. With friends, crossing paths after a season of life has ended is just more complicated. So this past weekend my mother and step-father visited, and we invited my aunt and uncle, who live 45 minutes away, to join us for dinner at our house. It was a simple evening, marred by an attack from fire ants in our backyard, but still a moment that needs to happen more often, which would never have happened in DC.- J
It is becoming apparent that welcoming your second child is so much different than welcoming your first. This, at least, is the case for me. Being the second child myself, I had thought I would have a special place in my heart immediately for my son, but he's competing with a two year old precious moments machine. My daughter, even when being difficult, has a charm about her that endears her to me more and more each day. For so long, my son has been kind of a lump. This is no different than my daughter was at his age, but when she first arrived, the magic of a fresh baby in the home was overwhelming for me. Truly every sound and movement was something worth paying attention to. For my son, we've already seen the newborn show, so it's not the same. Additionally, whenever I find a moment to truly focus on him, whether intentionally or not, my daughter finds a way to draw my attention back to her.
I say all this to express a feeling that is hard to describe. It is taking time for this tiny human to truly grab my heart. However, I sense that he is making headway- his almost permanent wide-eyed expression, the gurgling noises he makes, the little comb over hair style, and his increasingly precious response to my voice is doing the trick. I believe if we all try to hide complicated experiences like this, we truly start to believe we are one of the few people to feel a certain way. If we would all find safe ways to express complex feelings- like taking a few months to truly be captivated by your new son- then maybe less people would walk around feeling like they're off center from the norm. It's nothing new to comment on the effect of social media, so I won't spend much time rehashing arguments that others have made, but now, more than ever, we are able to put our best sides on display. I am sensing that more and more people are getting tired of seeing our façades, so maybe the new trend can be to show the true parts of ourselves in addition to the best parts.
This guy is truly working his way into my heart, and I can see how he will uniquely occupy a space there that my daughter won't be able to get close to.- J
