We lived in the DC area for three and half years, and I thought it was pretty incredible. I've never had a serious attachment to my family, so living a thousand miles away didn't bother me too much. Honestly, I saw my family about as much in DC as I did when I lived in Texas- mostly for major holidays. This was fine with me. This was not fine for Kristen. My parents are in their 50s with, presumably a lot of life left (although my father's penchant for high risk activities, high blood pressure, or close circle of questionable friends might cut his life a bit short). Kristen's parents are just shy of 80. When we moved she immediately felt the weight of missing out on their life, imagining us wasting precious years with them a thousand miles away. The feelings came to a boiling point when we had our first child in DC, causing a sense of urgency to get back home as soon as possible. One of Kristen's fears she expressed early on to me before we were married was that her parents would die before they met her children. I can't say I relate, but I can't judge a person for such a selfless thought- she cared deeply that our children and her father had as much time together as possible, so here we are back in Texas, eating breakfast tacos and Whataburger, and seeing family at least twice a month.
I say all this to articulate a change in me that has occurred since having children- before kids, I could truly get by with seeing my family a couple of times a year. It's not that I didn't like them or enjoy spending time with them, I just left home at 18 and didn't really feel the need to look back. In college I made some of the greatest friends I could have ever asked for, connected with an incredible mentor, and found meaningful work in ministering to students. The need for familial relationships was met elsewhere.
Adding these two humans to my life has changed things- not drastically and suddenly- but I'm beginning to see how valuable it is for my kids to be around family as much as possible. Having moved several times, I now understand that friendships, although strong, rarely last in a powerful way beyond the location where you shared life. With family, you will always end up together at holidays, weddings, and funerals. With friends, crossing paths after a season of life has ended is just more complicated. So this past weekend my mother and step-father visited, and we invited my aunt and uncle, who live 45 minutes away, to join us for dinner at our house. It was a simple evening, marred by an attack from fire ants in our backyard, but still a moment that needs to happen more often, which would never have happened in DC.- J
